


Icing on the Cake

by StellaLorelai



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 20:01:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12065985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellaLorelai/pseuds/StellaLorelai
Summary: Katniss struggles with deciding whether or not to have children with Peeta.





	1. Chapter 1

I raised the tip of my bow and kept my eyes on the deer in my sightline. The doe bent her head to eat some grass but her ears were twitching as if she could hear something I couldn’t. I exhaled and was about to let the arrow go when a rumble of thunder made the doe look up, startled, and leap away. As she turned and jumped, I saw that there was a fawn following close behind. The realization of this made me remember something Peeta had mentioned the day before. We were sitting down to a dinner of rabbit stew and fresh bread when he mentioned that Delly had announced she was pregnant. He was so happy for her, even though it meant he would be without a counter girl for a few months. The more he talked about how excited Delly and her husband were since it was their first child, the more I realized it was a little more than just being excited for a friend. I had just nodded my head and chewed my food as he talked. I wasn’t sure what to say. 

Now, I sighed as I reached back to replace the arrow in the quiver and turned toward home. Even though it had been almost ten years since the arenas and the war, both Peeta and I still had bad times during thunder storms due to the similarities of the sounds of the thunder and the cannons that signaled the death of a fellow tribute and the sound of bombs from the war. As the thunder rumbled again, I quickened my pace to a jog and hoped I wasn’t too late.

I was greeted at the door of our house by the familiar scent of fresh baked bread. I removed my boots by the doorway and put my bow away in the study that doubled as a storage closet. I walked toward the kitchen slowly so that I wouldn’t startle Peeta. I stood in the doorway to observe the room before speaking to him. He was standing at the counter, scooping pastries onto a plate. He heard my approach and turned and smiled. I felt my body relax from tension I wasn’t aware I was holding and returned the smile. 

“Hi, I hoped you’d be home soon when I heard the thunder,” he said, placing the plate of pastries on the table. I sniffed the air appreciatively.

“What are these? They smell amazing,” I said as I reached for the plate of pastries. He snatched the plate away and moved it farther at the end of the table.

“Those are a new dessert I’m testing out. I didn’t think you’d mind helping with that. They took me all day to make. They’re a sort of buttery, flaky pastry with chocolate baked into it,” he said. He smirked at me and asked, “Do you think you could help me out with taste testing them?” I feigned disinterest as I studied my fingernails and shrugged.

“I suppose I could find time in my busy schedule tonight to have a taste. You know me, super helpful when it’s time to taste test the newest Mellark pastries,” I said.

We ate our stew and bread at the table. I asked how his day at the bakery was. His face lit up. As I watched him talk about his customers and the new ideas he had for new products, I was glad he had decided to re-open Mellark bakery a few years ago. We were still having bad days and he was baking to stay busy. That meant we usually ended up with a surplus of bread we couldn’t hope to finish, no matter how much we both ate. He started selling his extra breads and pastries from a cart in the market. It wasn’t long before his usual customers started putting in repeat orders and asking for more labor-intensive things like decorated cakes that he started to seriously think about re-building the bakery. We had more than enough money so when the sweetshop owner decided to move to District 4, Peeta bought the storefront from him. It didn’t take much to add ovens to the back. The day they hung the Mellark bakery sign we both stood outside, staring up at it. I glanced sideways at him and took his hand. His brow was furrowed and he wasn’t smiling. I knew he was thinking about his family. I had pulled him into a hug and we had walked home, neither of us saying much for the rest of that day.

The difference between his face that day and today was astounding. I was glad he was having a good day. I was glad we both had the abilities to have good days. They made the bad days much more bearable. I smiled at him and he stopped mid-sentence and asked “What?” I shook my head.

“Nothing. It sounds like you had a good day at the bakery,” I said, taking a piece of bread and using it to scrape the gravy from the bowl of stew.

“I did. You should stop by some time. Any time, really. You know I’d love to have you there. Delly’s husband stops by for lunch practically every day,” he said. He stood up to collect our bowls for washing and put them in soapy water. He brought the plate of new pastries to me and we both sampled one. It was exactly as he described it, the pastry rich with butter and drizzled chocolate baked right in. It was perfect.

“Another Mellark success,” I said as I wiped crumbs from the front of my shirt. He bent down to kiss my forehead and walked back over to the sink. I reached for another pastry.

“Just want to make sure- “I started to say as a bright flash of lightning coincided with a loud clash of thunder. We both jumped. I heard his sharp intake of breath and saw him grip the sides of the sink with both hands. His shoulders tensed and I dropped the pastry back onto the plate as I stood up quickly. I stood where I was and watched the rise and fall of his shoulders as he struggled to breathe against the flashback that was overtaking him. I counted to ten in my head to see if it would pass and when it didn’t, I walked towards him slowly.

“Peeta?” I asked quietly. He raised his head but didn’t turn around, just stared out the window at the rain and wind beating the trees. I put my hand on his shoulder and he turned to me. His eyes were clouded with fear. I took his face between my hands.

“Peeta,” I said a little louder. “Look at me.” His eyes searched my face, trying to focus. He put one hand over mine on his cheek and kept his eyes trained on me. The other hand reached out to touch the braid hanging down my shoulder. He ran the end of my braid between his fingers as he studied my face. After a moment, he gave a weak smile.

“It passed. I’m ok now,” he said, barely above a whisper. I nodded as I wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him close. I sighed as we relaxed into each other’s arms and I was grateful that the flashback had passed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss visits Peeta at work.

A few days later, I walked slowly through the market and stopped to purchase bandages and a few bottles of paint that Peeta had mentioned he needed. I made my way towards the bakery. I stopped at the display window to admire the decorated cakes he had set out. Prim used to drag me to look through the windows of the old Mellark bakery at the decorated cakes. It was only later in the training room of the first Hunger Games that I learned that it had been Peeta who had decorated all those cakes that Prim had admired. Now, taking the time to admire the decorated cakes was a ritual that I did whenever I passed by the new bakery, as a way to honor my sister. It made me feel closer to her somehow. Maybe because I liked to think she’d still do this if she were still here with me. 

I was looking at a particularly pretty cake decorated with frosted wildflowers when something caught my eye beyond the window. Peeta was crouched down beside the counter, his head bent towards a little girl who was talking animatedly to him. She had a huge cookie in one hand and was waving the other hand. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him though. He was listening intently but reacting with smiles and laughs and surprised facial expressions at whatever story she was telling. I couldn’t help but smile at the pair of them. Watching him interact with this little girl brought another conversation to mind. We had talked about having children, possibly, maybe some day in the future but I was still so scared of the prospect. He didn’t push me at all or try to change my mind. He just let me know that he had always known he wanted to be a father someday. I told him I couldn’t bear thinking about it yet and he had pulled me into a hug. We dropped it for a while but now with Delly expecting, I suspected it might come up again. I held the door to the bakery open as the little girl’s mother led her out. Peeta smiled when he saw me.

“Just stopping by to see if you have any of those new pastries. What were they called? Chocolate Dream Pillows or something like that?” I said and he laughed. He led me over to the display case and we stood before it, chatting. When Delly came out from the back with a tray of cookies, Peeta frowned at her. 

“Delly, I told you I’d bring those out. You shouldn’t be carrying things like that,” he said and took the tray from her. She laughed off his concern but told him there was another tray in the back if he wanted to help. He said he’d be right back and ducked into the back of the store. Delly turned to me, smiling. 

“Hi, Katniss. I feel like I haven’t seen you since I got back. How are you?” she asked, as she started to put the new cookies on a tray that would go into the display case. 

“Oh, fine. Just hunting a lot,” I said. I bit my lip and wondered if I was supposed to congratulate her or not. I didn’t know if I should just say it or what. I was considering how to bring it up when a man with two kids came in. Delly asked if the children would both like a free cookie and when the man nodded permission, Delly grabbed two cookies and handed them to the kids, whose faces broke out in huge smiles. She handed the man some breads and pastries and took payment. When they left, our eyes met over the counter. She smiled again. 

“Did you know any kid who comes in gets a free cookie if they want one?” she asked. I shook my head. 

“It was Peeta’s idea. He’s so good with the kids,” she said and returned to putting cookies on the tray. I smiled to myself. Free cookies for each kid. It was such a Peeta thing to do. I remembered the sight of him talking to the little girl and my heart skipped a beat. 

“So, how are you and your husband adjusting to being back in Twelve?” I asked. I had been surprised when Peeta had told me that he had run into Delly and her new husband at the market a few years ago. He had hired her at the bakery shortly after that. Delly’s husband was from District Thirteen and I wondered how he was dealing with being in such a different place. 

“I’m so happy to be here at the bakery with Peeta. He’s doing so much better than he was in Thirteen, of course. And John is adjusting to life here. Sometimes we go sit in the meadow and he just stares up at the sky,” Delly said. “And sometimes he just stares out the window. And he loves weather,” she continued. I laughed. 

“I bet it’s a huge difference being born and raised in a bunker,” I said, thinking of how claustrophobic being in District Thirteen’s underground bunkers had made me feel and how much I had relished the short times I had been allowed above ground to hunt. She nodded. 

“They were allowed out sometimes in Thirteen but not very often. It’s one of the reasons we moved back here. We didn’t want to raise our kids in a military bunker,” she said. Here was my chance. 

“Yes, Peeta told me the good news. Congratulations.” I said. She smiled. 

“I’m so excited and John is too,” she said. “And Peeta…” she started to say but bit her lip and went back to putting the cookies on the tray. I walked around so I was standing next to her behind the counter. 

“Peeta what?” I asked. She wouldn’t meet my eyes as she hurriedly finished putting the last of the cookies on the tray. She shrugged. 

“He’s very happy for me. I know he can’t wait to have kids of his own and…” she stopped again and looked at me. She took a deep breath and held it for a second. 

“And what, Delly?” I asked again. She let out a deep breath before finishing the thought. 

“And you’re just not ready, that’s what he said. And he’s scared you might never be ready,” she said. I sighed and leaned back against the counter. 

“It’s just not- “I began but she waved her hands to stop me. 

“No, you don’t have to explain to me. I understand. Especially after everything the both of you have been through. I’m glad you have each other. You don’t have to explain anything to me,” she said. “But I know from talking to Peeta that it would make him so, so happy to have a little bun of his own in your oven,” she said, smiling. I laughed. 

“Well, when you put it that way, how could I say no?” I said and we were both laughing as Peeta walked back to the front carrying another tray of cookies and a small white paper sack. 

“I went ahead and prepped another batch of raisin bread,” Peeta said. “And I need to get started on Mrs. Clark’s strawberry cake.” 

“Ooh, strawberry,” Delly said. “I’ve been craving strawberries something fierce for the past few weeks,” she said and laughed. “Peeta is a very generous boss. He’s been letting me take home a strawberry cupcake most days.” Peeta had put down the tray and walked over to me beside the display case, where I had returned to when he had come out. I smiled at him and kissed his cheek quickly. 

“I should let you get back to work,” I said. “I’ll see you at home.” He handed me the paper sack before I left. When I was outside, I peeked inside and couldn’t help smiling. Two cheese buns and a pastry. I ate a cheese bun as I toward walked home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss visits Haymitch

A few mornings later, Peeta had already left for the bakery and I was preparing to go out to hunt. I stood before the mirror and absent-mindedly braided my hair back when my eyes landed on the small glass dish on my dresser that held the pearl Peeta had given me so long ago. Seeing it usually made me think of my time in the Quarter Quell arena, but today it made me think of a particular night in that arena. Peeta had just given me the locket with the picture of my mother, Prim and Gale in a ploy to convince me that I had to try to survive the games. I couldn’t help but think about how his offering me the picture of Gale meant he was trying to offer me a future with Gale. How he didn’t expect to survive the Quarter Quell arena and he wanted me to make it out alive. His doing so had only strengthened my resolve that he should be the one to survive to have children. It had also prompted me to imagine a world where Peeta was a father and his child was safe. I was absolutely sure he would be a wonderful father to his children, I just didn’t ever think about who he would have had children with since I expected to be long gone by then. I looked up at myself in the mirror and bit my lip as I realized he was here with me now and it would be me who would and could give Peeta his child. I repeated the words over and over in my head.

_Peeta’s child, Peeta’s child._

The thought usually made me scared or nervous or worse and I would erase it from my mind completely. But lately, it didn’t seem so unacceptable or terrifying an idea as it had before. 

_Peeta’s child._

The world would only be improved if Peeta’s children were added to it. I studied my face in the mirror and wondered if his child would have his blond hair or those impossibly long eyelashes or that electric smile. The thought brought a smile to my own face. I finished braiding my hair and plucked the pearl from the glass dish. I held it up between three fingers and studied it for a minute before letting it fall into my palm and closing my fingers around it.

I went to the study on the first floor and pulled out the memory book we had made. I took the pearl and the memory book and settled down in the chair behind the desk in the study. After placing the pearl in the saucer of a teacup that Peeta had left filled with a few blossoms on the desk, I opened the memory book to find Finnick’s green eyes staring back into mine. The photo of his son and Annie sat tucked between the pages. Turning the pages of the memory book took me back to my old life, while seeing the faces of the people I still loved reminded me of the promise I made to live well to make their deaths count. I have no idea how long I sat staring at a picture of Prim, one where she was smiling as she mixed something in a bowl in the kitchen. I pressed my fist against my chest as a new wave of sadness washed over me. I still missed her so much. I still wondered what she would be doing now. Would she be a doctor? Would she be married? Would she have her own kids by now? Who could help but love her? Of course, she would be all of these things.

I took a deep breath and looked away from the book. I buried my face in my hands as tears burned my eyes, threatening to start flowing. Standing up, I grabbed the pearl and walked out of the house to Haymitch’s house next door. 

“Haymitch, are you awake?” I asked loudly as I walked right through the door, not bothering to knock as usual. I went directly to the kitchen and looked around. He was there, sitting at the table, staring at the cup of coffee in front of him. He looked dazed, like he might have just woken up. 

“Are you alright?” I asked. He looked up at me with a half smile on his face and started to say something but I heard a door open and close from somewhere behind me and turned around to find Effie standing in the doorway to the kitchen. 

“Effie! What are you doing here?” I asked, surprised. She walked over to give me a hug and said “Oh, Katniss, it’s wonderful to see you, my dear.” She pulled away from the hug and held me at arm’s length to study me. She smiled when our eyes met and the smile was genuine. 

“You look well, dear,” she said quietly and walked over to the kitchen sink to stare out the window. Something about her was different but I couldn’t put my finger on it. She wasn’t wearing a silly wig or if she was, it wasn’t like the outrageous ones she usually wore, with a bunch of hair piled on top of her head. It fell in soft waves around her face and was a darker color. And her face looked different. I guessed her makeup wasn’t as extreme as it always was or something. I stood in the middle of the kitchen and don’t know what to say. I had come over to talk to Haymitch but it appeared I’d interrupted something. 

“Haymitch, I just stopped by for a chat but if you’re busy, I’ll stop by later,” I said as I started to back out of the kitchen. Effie turned away from the kitchen window and sat at the table. When neither of them said anything, I started to edge around the doorframe to let myself out of the house. Haymitch took a sip of his coffee and looked up at me as I peered around the doorframe, still trying to disappear. I stuck my head back into the kitchen. 

“Oh, and you should come over for dinner sometime. Effie, I know Peeta would love to see you,” I said, because I knew Peeta would want me to invite them over. Effie looked at Haymitch and he smirked back. There was a small smile on her lips as she called out “That sounds lovely, dear. We’ll let you know.” I nodded and disappeared into the hallway and let myself out of the house. I didn’t want to go back home so I decided to walk to the bakery in town to see Peeta and Delly. I needed company at that moment.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss confesses that she is struggling and Peeta is Peeta.

Later that evening, as Peeta and I were preparing dinner, he casually mentioned that he had seen the memory book on the desk in the study and asked if I was ok. I shrugged and continued chopping the herbs in front of me. He didn’t press the issue while we continued preparing dinner. When we sat down to eat, I was glad for the distraction. We were in the middle of clearing up the kitchen when Peeta brought up the memory book again.

“I’m fine,” I said a little more sharply than I had intended. He raised his eyebrows at me but continued washing the dishes. 

“Ok, just let me know if you want to talk,” he said, turning to the sink. I walked over and stood next to him, staring down at the soapy water in the sink. 

“I’m sorry I don’t want kids. It seems like with Delly and John’s situation I feel like I’m depriving you of something you really want,” I said quietly. He froze for a second before removing his hands from the sink and wiping them on a dishtowel. 

“Is that what you think, Katniss? That you’re depriving me of something I really want?” he asked, looking at me alarmed. I shrugged and stared out the window, deliberately not looking at him. He reached out and wrapped his hand around my wrist and pulled me close. He looked at me with an unreadable expression before speaking again. 

“Do you understand that even though so many terrible things happened, that being here with you is more than I ever dreamed? This life we have, where I get to wake up next to you every day is all I ever wanted? I never imagined it as a possibility before the reaping and now here we are. You know how I had never found the courage to talk to you before the reaping? All those years thinking up ways to try to talk to you, thinking maybe I could give you cupcakes or cookies or silly things without you rejecting them. And thinking finally after giving you the bread, maybe I could talk to you but losing my nerve after school the next day? You of all people know how many times I faced certain death. I didn’t expect to survive either arena, I didn’t expect to survive being held captive in the Capitol; I didn’t expect to survive the war. Do you understand that you are more than I ever dared to hope for?” he said. My cheeks were burning and my throat felt swollen and I realized I wanted to cry. I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat. 

“You and Haymitch, you’re all the family I have left. And you, Katniss, you’re all the family I need. Anything else would just be icing on the cake. Yes, I want children but I want you to be ok more than I want kids,” he continued. The tears started flowing as Haymitch’s words came back to me-I could live a thousand lifetimes and still not deserve this man.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss visits Haymitch again.

A few days later, I went to visit Haymitch. Peeta and I both still made it a habit to check in on him every few days and invite him to dinner and stuff like that. That day, I stopped by with a loaf of bread from Peeta. Haymitch and I were sitting at the kitchen table, eating the bread and drinking tea. I could feel Haymitch’s eyes on me as I chewed. I knew I was being more quiet than usual, distracted even, but I thought Haymitch wouldn’t notice or particularly care. I was wrong.

“Something on your mind, sweetheart?” he said, with just a hint of sarcasm. I looked at him and grimaced at his nickname for me. 

“Oh, you know, boy trouble as usual,” I said, sarcastically. 

“Oh?’ he asked, buttering another slice of bread. I took a sip of tea as I decided whether or not to talk to him about it. It could go either way, I decided.

“I’ve been thinking about kids. I mean, having kids. With Peeta,” I said, not looking at him. 

“Ah,” he said, “I was wondering when this would come up. I’m a little surprised it took this long.” I looked over at him from across the table.

“What do you mean?” I asked, a little bit surprised. He shrugged and took a drink of tea before answering.

“What’s stopping you?” he asked. I stared at him in disbelief.

“Surely you of all people know what’s stopping me,” I snapped. “What stopped you?” He sighed and took another bite of buttered bread and watched me while he chewed. 

“We all handle it differently, Katniss. I have my drinks and my geese and you and Peeta occasionally and maybe Effie-,” he said but I interrupted.

“You think you can handle Effie?” I smirked at him. 

“I’m certainly going to try,” he said with a smile on his face. We both laughed before he continued. “The point I’m trying to make is that maybe I’m the wrong person to give you advice about this. I couldn’t do it for myself so I think you should.” I sat there, staring at him for a second. 

“Huh,” I muttered. 

“What?” he asked. I shrugged a little, trying to sort out my thoughts. I didn’t really expect Haymitch to give me advice about it. 

“I’m just surprised is all. Not what I expected you to say,” I said. 

“I assume you’ve talked to Peeta about this already?” he asked. I nodded. “And he said?” 

“He said exactly what you’d expect Peeta to say,” I told him. “He said he wants me to be ok more than he wants kids. But I know he wants kids pretty badly.” 

“So, what are you going to do?” he asked. I stared down into my tea and smiled to myself as I thought of Peeta’s child with those eyelashes and that smile. 

“I don’t know,” I said, sighing.


	6. Chapter 6

A few days later, I was walking through the woods. I was supposed to be hunting, I had my bow and arrows with me, but I was deep in thought, thinking about what Haymitch had said in his kitchen. I was still surprised he thought it was a good idea. I had sort of thought he’d shrug it off or make a joke. But I couldn’t shake the sadness at his statement that he couldn’t do it for himself.

I thought about the memory book and the pearl. I thought about Prim and Rue and Finnick and all the other Tributes and Victors and rebels whose lives were cut short in the Hunger Games and the revolution. I thought about how I had grown up absolutely knowing that I would never have children of my own, knowing that I couldn’t handle the thought of their names being called at the reaping and not being able to do anything to help them, not being able to go in their place as I had for Prim. I thought about that moment when I looked into Snow’s eyes just before I shot Coin and knowing she was setting up to step into Snow’s place completely. I thought about all the days and time lost to my hazy, blurry grief after that. The gray days when I couldn’t bear to get out of bed, when Peeta would lay next to me, holding me and bringing me food and water. I thought about when I would do the same for him on days when he couldn’t get out of bed. I thought about how we took care of each other. I thought about how I got to wake up and see the sunlight streaming through my window and feel him next to me on the good days. And I smiled because when Haymitch had asked what I was going to do, I hadn’t known. But now I did. I replaced my arrow in the quiver and turned toward home.

I let myself into the house and walked to the kitchen. Peeta was there, his easel and paint box out, mixing paints in a cup. I stopped in the doorway of the kitchen and he turned and smiled when he saw me. He started to put down the cup of paint in his hands when I blurted out what I had rushed home to say.

“I want the icing on the cake,” I said. He looked at me, confused for just a moment and then a smile broke out on his face. 

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?’ he asked, and I nodded and couldn’t help but smile back at the look of happiness on his face.

“I want the bun in the oven,” I said, laughing, as he rushed over to me. He picked me up in a hug and spun me around, covering my face in kisses. When he put me down, I took a step back, breathless. I bit my lip and looked up at him.

“It’s going to be ok, right?” I said with just a tinge of fear running through me. He squeezed my hand.

“It’s going to be great. We have each other,” he said and pulled me back in for a deep kiss.


End file.
